Growldog Day10 October 2014

Yes, he looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp and yes, his empire has been described in suspiciously less quantifiable terms as the series wore on but our Lord Sugar is a genius. He is a genius with the right time, right place and the right schmutter.

Having sold every aspiring typewriter artist an Amstrad word-processor years before Steve Jobs seduced the design depts with a macload of fonts, the entrepreneur formally known as Sir Alan proceeded to buy up every tired old pile from Chelmsford to Chelsea on the cheap as, dazzled by the dotcom bubble that he helped to create, investors piled out of bricks into clicks.

IT, property and the jewel in his titfer – reality TV. Can his lordship ever put a foot wrong? Sometimes, but there’s no excuse for the hapless new crew of hair products and cosmetics display-models who compete for the dubious honour of becoming his apprentice.

So Growldog Day is here again, as the same characters appear every time. Birds and blokes who are either posh or common – the dazed toffs determined to show those oiks where good breeding can get you in a tight spot, the get-a-grip Garys who went on an Anthony Robbins seminar and have given 110% ever since, the jolly hockey-sticks gals whose basic faith in human decency has quickly turned to ineffectual deceit and the tough glamourpusses who’ve had to fight prejudice and chauvinism to get where they are today.

Who will win? Keep track of the whole crazy gang with this handy Growldog Day Grid© as they hurtle on their there-can-be-only-one-way-ticket to Palookaville.

Until we hear them say those fatal final words: “Thanks for the opportunity, Lord Sugar…”

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